PRaYeR iS GooD

so after much thought and prayer, i've decided to wait on the whole going back to school thing. it will happen, i know that for sure, i just don't think right now is the time. i need to be a good supportive wife to my hubby finishing up his degree. the last thing he needs is me competing for study time. i need to be here to make things as easy on him as possible so he can focus on his studying and work. i'm happy with that, because now i'm back to my original challenge anyway. i'm learning slowly to embrace this time as a stay-at-home mom. it's becoming something for me to work at, i'm developing a routine. i hope to have this mommy thing down to an art form. almost like a dance, something that looks so fluent that others can look at me and say, "wow, she's a great mom!". i envision myself placing a hot pan of dinner on the table, turning around and grabbing the high chair in a single movement, putting it in place and quickly lifting Kailyn into her chair, shortly followed by me serving the family their dinner. i know its a little far fetched, but i have the hot pan of dinner and high chair part down already, the rest needs work. seriously though, i want to be an amazing mom and the only way to achieve that is through practice. i look forward to every day with my little one, she's the most fun i've had in a while!

WheN DoEs ThE AppLiCaTiOn PeRioD EnD???

so i'm feeling kind of weird because my hubby, along with thousands of other college students, are starting the new school year tomorrow. this is the first semester i have not been in school, so this feels a little strange to me. i have to say i'm feeling a little left out. i know i'm trying to embrace this whole stay at home mom thing, but there is such a big part of me that just wants to finish school first. i want to be in school...i know i'm being selfish, but its so hard to watch everyone else around me to go back to school while i spend my days cleaning the apartment and being a mommy. not to say i don't love spending time with my daughter, i just feel like i have so much inside of me, so much of me still wants to learn and grow. i'm trying to be patient. i know the Lord wants me to go back to school and have a career, i feel it, i feel this tug at my heart. but i don't know when. i don't know where or how. i just know its there. i want to go to A&M so bad! to be able to go to school with my hubby and graduate from the same college would be awesome, but i don't know if that's where the Lord wants me to go...and i don't know if i could get in. i'm going to try to apply again for this spring semester coming up, just to see if the Lord is leading me back to school now, but if not, then i will know if i don't get in. it's just so hard for me to feel like i should be in school, while at the same time feeling like my daughter needs me to be with her right now. i could do both, its definitely possible. i just have to wait and see if the Lord wants me to do that. my hubby wants me to go back to school, he believes in me and my goals and dreams. i love him for that. with his support i'm sure we could make this work. i guess i need to start working on my spring application!

RaiN

today me and Kailyn sat on our patio and watched the rain. it was so peaceful just watching the rain fall and feeling the slight breeze in the midst of the humidity. i watched her run around and giggle every time a rain drop fell on her. and she would stick her hands through the railing and let the rain clean her hands. the moment was so innocent and so sweet, i couldn't help but smile. it's times like that moment, i realize just how little Kailyn is. i love that i have this time to enjoy my daughter while she is still young. it is so special and so amazing. sometimes she will just stop in the middle of playing and or running around giggling and she will just smile at me and every once in a while she will give me a hug and thank me. she doesn't have a specific thing to thank me for, she just says "thank you mommy". i love that. i love that she appreciates me. i couldn't ask for a better payment for what i do every day.

i LoVe My LiTTLe FaMiLy

the Lord has blessed me with the most wonderful husband and daughter. i praise Him.

My HuBBy

today is my hubby's birthday! every year around this time i always think back to when we were dating (this was before i moved up to CS) i would drive up to college station to visit him every weekend and i just remember being so happy and feeling so free. it was just me and steven. that was about 3 years ago. i remember coming up to college station one weekend, which happened to be on his birthday, and i remember surprising him with an electric guitar. he was so excited. that was definitely a good weekend.

he's been asking me to do things today like get him more water, or make lunch for him, little things, but when i hesitate even the slightest, he'll say, "it's my birthday..." and he will smile. lol needless to say, he's had a pretty good birthday of doing absolutely nothing but sit in his chair and watch tv. oh how things have changed. hahaha. i do love him so.

years go by like minutes...

as everyone sent their children off to school today and posted their stories and hopes that their child will have a good first day...it made me realize that in a couple of years Kailyn will be going to kindergarden. i'm amazed at how fast time has gone by. about 2 years ago i couldn't imagine my child walking or talking and now i'm looking at her dancing and singing and telling me all about every single things she does during the day. am i allowed to be a little sad when she goes to school? i'm going to miss her during the day...haha i'm talking like its tomorrow. it just goes by so fast. it makes me realize how precious this time is now. the simplicity of sitting on the floor and playing tea party or dancing around the living room playing princess. i'm going miss that. i'm learning to just embrace those moments, so that later on when i look back instead of wishing i had taken the time to enjoy my child, i will know that i did. she's the most amazing thing that has happened to me and i thank the Lord for blessing me with her. even though society calls it the "terrible twos", i have to say, the twos can be quite wonderful! you just have to embrace the moment and enjoy it.

NaP TiMe

i always look forward to Kailyn's nap time, mainly because i get to sit down and relax, even nap myself sometimes. like today. but i've noticed recently that after she's been asleep for about an hour and a half, i start to miss her. i almost want her to walk out of her room and come jump in my lap like she usually does. it's so weird because i remember when she was a little younger i would squeeze every last ounce of her nap time that i could, but lately i've been checking on her or opening her door because i'm ready for her to wake up and come play again. when she wakes up she walks out of her room and looks at me with a smile, her hair all sweaty and messy, and she says, "Kailyn sleep good mommy!" and then she walks over to me and climbs up on to my lap and just sits and enjoys her wake up time with mommy. i love it. that's my favorite part of the day.

today was a good day.

dishes, laundry, and movies

something i've learned so far from being a stay at home mom is that the dishes and laundry NEVER end! i can't tell you how many loads of dishes i've had to do in the last 2 weeks...and laundry is the same way. i feel like i'm folding all the time! where does it come from??? i mean, i have a 2 year old, so i know all the stuff she dirties up gets washed. maybe she just dirties a lot of stuff...and my husband just kind of leaves things on the floor. socks....everywhere! he doesn't even wear shoes half the time! i don't get it.

i have also learned that a 2 year old can watch the same movie 3 times without getting bored of it. how do they do that? i'm ready to turn it off within the first 10 minutes. i have now seen Bolt, Princess Bride, and Cars way more times than i had ever wanted to. but she's so cute when she laughs at the funny parts, its so hard not to put it on. every morning its the same thing...she wakes up around 7am, comes into our room and says, "mommy...wake up! juice! Kailyn watch Cars! come help..." when i don't respond she yells, "mommy, c'mon!!!" lol she's the cutest little girl ever!

8-22-09

i've never done one of these things...i think this will be a good outlet for me since i'm going to have some extra time on my hands. i've been a college student since 2005, but now we have moved back up to college station and i'm a stay at home mom so my husband can finish up his bach. degree at A&M. i'm so proud of him and i'm definately behind him 100% even if that means taking a break from school until he's done. its going to be hard for me, but at the same time it will be good for me and my daughter. i love school and i can't wait to go back and finish up my bach degree...but for now i'm doing what the Lord is telling me to do, being a stay at home for my daughter and be a supportive wife to my husband. i've learned something new everyday...and i'm excited to share the story of one of the hardest things i've ever done in my life, learning how to rely on God and embracing my life as a stay at home mom.