swept up

there is a major battle going on inside of me between what matters and what doesn't. i feel like i've lost sight of what i am meant to do and i have fallen victim to life. the stupid, unimportant, stressful, aspects of life that shape you into the mold of this world. i don't want to be a mold of this world. i want to be a mold of what the Lord wants me to be, something not of this world. i can't figure out where this turn occured or when i gave up and let myself fall into the routine of uselessness. i have so many opportunities around me and so many ways i can make a difference, and yet i sit here and pitty myself over stupid things like having no tv or being too tired to clean the kitchen. what is wrong with me?! i was on this path laid down by the Lord and then in an instant, an instant i can't even put my finger on, i'm fighting my way through branches and tripping over rocks on completely pointless paths to follow. now i'm scared my gps won't work and i won't find my way back to the path i was on to begin with. i have these moments where its like everything just stops, like those slow motion moments in movies, and i just sit there and think to myself, 'when did i become this person?'...'when did i lose sight of what's important?'...and then like that i'm out of my moment and the world is spinning at insane speeds and i'm pulled back into the whirlwind of this life. i tell my husband all the time to have faith, to just forget about the stress and the negative and to just trust that things will work out. why is it so easy for me to say that and believe it when it comes to our struggles in life, but when it comes to the struggles going on inside of me, its like i can't find that strength. i think too much. what happened to prayer? it works...so why can't i trust in it like i used to?