at the end of the day...

i clamour up the energy to put my daughter to bed at a decent hour, i then drag myself away from my unusually calm child to make my way back to the living room where i plop down in our big comfy chair and survey the mess that is so unbelievably hard to ignore. everyday. exactly the same. i send a text and wait to hear from my hubby, see when he's coming home. which i already know will be after midnight...so i get online, check out what my friends are up to, which always seems to make me feel worse, simply because they are all out enjoying themselves, most of the time dancing or traveling all the while wearing super cute clothes that i can only dream of owning. they aren't looking at what seems to be a disaster area in front of them, deciding the best plan of action for the cleaning that is so inevitably going to take place the next morning. or trying to regain their strength after yet another day of struggling with a two year old who thinks she's older than she really is. i find myself getting lost in my thoughts so much these days. things i wish i was doing. places i wish i was. that sort of thing...the though of maybe one day fulfilling one of my day dreams kind of helps me keep going. it would undoubtedly be a long way in the future, but still...its a string. all be it a short one, its still something to hold onto. sometimes i just sit there...lost in my head. it's only broken by my child repeating the word "mommy! mommy! MOMMY!" in a very loud babied voice. then its back to reality. day to day...hour to hour...minute to minute..........please something break the monotony.