i started doing...

as a follow up to my last post...i pushed myself to go to church on Sunday even though my hubby had to work. it was my first time doing anything alone with the new baby. so it was me, my 3 year old, and my new little man enjoying a morning at church. aside from my nervousness driving there, due to the constant worry that my daughter was going to poke her brother in the face the whole time, and my daughter acting out a bit after church...it wasn't too bad. although, i don't know how single mothers do it. i'm am so blessed and so thankful i was able to pick up my hubby from work at the end of the day and be able to share the kiddos with him. they are a handful. more so my daughter than the little guy though...who would have thought? the baby is a breeze compared to her. well...anyway...the message was awesome!

we were in Luke 5...the focal point was on the story where Jesus tells Peter to cast out his nets (plural) and Peter casts out his net (singular)...we learned that partial obedience to God, hinders the full magnitude of blessings He wants to give us. Peter was told to cast out his nets. Peter cast out one net, allowing us to see that he doubted Jesus. but the Lord, as merciful as He is, allowed fish to fill that one net, it was overflowing. and to imagine, what would have happened if Peter had cast both nets as he was told. it makes me stop and wonder what blessings i have missed out on because i only partially obeyed what the Lord was telling me to do. i can't be afraid. i can't doubt Him and His ability to lead my life. i need to be casting both nets at all times, instead of keeping a safety net for my own personal comfort. it's hindering blessings...i don't want that. i want as many blessings as the Lord is willing to give me. who wouldn't? this is something i need to work on. when the Lord is telling me to do something, i need to do it with a whole heart, without doubt, and no fear. if He is leading me to do something, i have to remember He will be with me the entire way, and that it will all work out.

stop saying...start doing

the two most wonderful blessings i have ever been given in my entire life

so...there's this bible verse that's been sticking out to me. it was brought up in church yesterday and for some reason i can't get it out of my head.

"Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful. And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as is the manner of some, but exhorting one another, and so much the more as you see the Day approaching." Hebrews 10:23-25

i'm convicted to spend more time in fellowship and less time to myself. i need to quit fearing and get back to the place where i felt like i was pleasing God. i've become what my pastor calls a 'pugh potato'...i'm there on Sundays, i "do my time"....but what more? i used to be involved, i used to spend my spare time with God...having another child shouldn't hinder that, it should make it all that much more important. i need to start living the way God wants me to live. not only for me, but more so for my children.

time to get on with things

procrastination. its an ugly word. it's the reason there are piles of clothes on the floor. it's the reason i have files of papers that need to be sorted through and bills that need to be paid. but worst of all...it's the reason my bible study lesson sits undone on my nightstand and my bible sitting on top of it has barely been touched in the last month. for the last couple weeks i've said, "tomorrow...tomorrow i will get back into the swing of things. i will do my bible study, i will clean up, i will embrace my life as a mom of two..." yata yata...but every morning i wake up and i'm "too tired." or "i don't feel good." excuses... excuses. last night i sat for a while, glancing every so often at my bible, wanting to do my bible study, but i caved into laziness instead and quickly fell asleep. but this morning i was suddenly overcome with this realization. yes i've been tired and i've felt yucky and i've been busy with the new little one, but none of that is enough to keep me from my relationship with Jesus. i am procrastinating. and that is wrong. i know i should pick up my bible, but instead i pick up the remote. i know i should take my quiet time to pray, but instead i sleep. i am breaking that cycle today. it's been a month and a half...it's time i get back to my life. embrace it and love it. i'm blessed beyond words and i need to take every moment i can to thank my Jesus for that.

my kiddos :)

first month postpartum...

this is my list of things that make the first month postpartum not so bad...

...first and for most, God. without Him, i would have no peace. i'm so thankful for His amazing provisions and the wonderful family he has blessed me with.
...my hubby. he makes me laugh and smile and forget how icky i feel. and he gets me ice cream when i ask for it.
...ice cream...i need extra calories for breast feeding, right? haha.
...cool baby gifts! i really enjoy seeing the amazing gifts friends and family pick out for our little man and me!
...assorted fiber bars and cereals. seriously, you never know just how important these things are until you are home from the hospital and attempting to potty with numerous stitches down there. ya. thank you FiberOne for all your great tasting products.
...TLC, HGTV, & FoodNetwork.
...little kid movies. i'm not one to stick my 3 year old in front of the tv...but while recovering and caring for a newborn, its a lifesaver. thank you daddy for buying her new movies after the baby came home!
...all my "comfy" pants. especially my victoria's secret ones from like 2 years ago! best purchase ever!
...sleep. need i say more?
and last, but definitely NOT least!...

my little boy's smile makes the postpartum pains and blahs so much better :)

...my little Jacob...

birth story! for those interested...

so on january 25th around 9pm...i started labor. but i didn't think it was labor. not until 3 hours later when the contractions were painful and 3-4 minutes apart. go figure. you'd think someone who's been through it before would know she's in labor...nope...it took my doctor saying to me over the phone, "well i think it sounds like you should go to the hospital...". we grabbed our bags and headed out. the car ride was pretty painful and once we got to the hospital, we ended up parking on the wrong side and had to walk around the whole side of the hospital...in the cold...in labor. (to be honest, i think it helped progress me). i get checked in, got put on the monitors, and i was already 5 cm dilated. that was a good thing, since i was going to be very sad if they were going to tell me i was still at 3. so i get moved to a room and hooked up to an iv...and the contractions started to get closer and stronger. they came in to check me and decided to break my water, which took a couple of pokes during the exam, no hook. after that the contractions got stronger, but i was still doing good. not in excruciating pain...yet. at that point i was at 6 cm dilated and 80% effaced. my nurse kept saying i was very smiley for being 6 cm. shortly after that, they gave me a little pitocin to move things along...that's when things began to speed up...quickly. now, as you know i decided i wanted to do this all natural. no epidural, no pain meds...the full childbirth experience as God designed it. so by this time i'm having to breath and manage my pain the best i can...cold rags, shoulder rubs, silence...all very helpful, but it was hurting pretty bad. this was about the time i started praying and asking God for guidance as to whether or not i should still do it natural, because the pain was pretty intense...so i waited for His answer...for like a second, and then decided on my own to throw my birth plan out the window and just ask for the epidural. well...in a VERY short amount of time following that decision, i went from 6cm to about 8cm and 100% effaced...oh, and i felt like i had to push. that was when it was made very clear that God wanted me to do it natural after all. and this was when i was told by the nurse that i was going to have the baby before the anesthesiologist would even make it there. at this point i was really feeling like i had to push and i'm being told by numerous people not to...yeah...you try holding something the size of a watermelon inside you when it's coming out. so began the crying...the "i can't..i have to push! i can't....i have to push." let me tell ya, the pain wasn't even an issue at that point, it was the sheer difficulty of their request. i felt this baby coming out of me and they were still "prepping" and telling me "don't push, just breath...". well before i knew it, i was in stirrups and being told what to do and how to breath and FINALLY they said it, "push." it was a relief for a moment...until i felt the burning and the poking and the cutting (episiotomy)...so i pushed harder. i was done with this pain, and just wanted to see my baby. i have to say, this was the most painful thing i have ever experienced in my entire life, but when that little baby boy popped out of me at 4:21am and started crying...all the pain went away. and i was happy i had done it naturally...thankful the anesthesiologist lived 30 minutes away... well...until the stitching started, that was quite painful...but it didn't last long and that was the only battle wound i incurred from this wonderful birth. so, in the end, the whole thing lasted about 7 hours total and it was worth every second. no complications, no slowing, just quick and smooth! Praise the Lord!

Jacob Elijah...7lbs 9oz...19 3/4 inches

1.26.2011

timing

for the last week or so, i have focused on nothing more than trying to put myself into labor. we walked...and walked....and walked. i drank pineapple juice, and teas. i danced. i ate spicy foods. i tried pressure points. i walked more. nothing. and then...i got frustrated. mind you...this whole time i have been hearing (and avoiding) God's gentle voice saying "Lauren...Lauren....leave it to Me."..."Lauren...allow My timing to be perfect."..."Lauren...come sit with Me and pray."...so yesterday when i sat down with my bible as i do everyday, i completely cleared my mind, and began to pray about this. i wish i had sooner...as always. ...i am so amazed at how God loves us and the mercy He shows us when we are so selfish and we lose our focus on Him. what He revealed to me is that this is all going to happen in His timing. no matter how many methods of natural labor induction i try, this baby is not going to be born until the Lord wants him to be born. it is all part of His perfect, amazing, unbelievable plan that we can't even begin to imagine. i need to trust in His promises and leave it in His hands. and relax. i just need to be still. i am in need of this time He has blessed me with...i need to take a few deep breaths and enjoy these last moments i have with my daughter and hubby before our new addition arrives. i just need to be that godly wife and mommy the Lord wants me to be to my family...the rest will fall into place.

nope...no baby yet

well...no baby yet. i'm still very much pregnant and very much ready to hold my little boy. everything is ready for him...everyone knows their roles for when the moment finally arrives...but little Jacob seems to be quite comfy in my tummy. i thought they said it's usually earlier with the second child?! haha. speculation i suppose. oh well. i've been quite uncomfortable the last few days and nesting like a crazy lady. so...maybe it will be soon!

update: as of today (January 18th) i am 3 cm dilated and 50% effaced! doctor says he thinks it will be before next week!!! so keep me and little Jacob in prayers please!